19 Warning Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship

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Have you ever found yourself in a one-sided relationship where you felt as if you were the one doing all the giving, all the caring, while receiving nothing in return? you might be in a codependent relationship.

If this dynamic sounds familiar, it’s likely you’re trapped in the web of co-dependency, a pattern of behaviour where your self-worth and identity hinges on another’s approval.

Co-dependency was first defined nearly 50 years ago to describe unhealthy relationships characterized by excessive control or compliance, often with one partner lacking self-sufficiency and autonomy.

The concept was originally conceived in the context of addiction. It helped to explain “enabling” patterns used to ease relationship tension caused by drug and alcohol abuse.

We now understand that enabling behaviours (such as rescuing a partner, bailing them out, making and accepting excuses for their behaviour, and constantly trying to fix problems) also are common in non-addiction-related co-dependent relationships.

Through constantly sacrificing for others and ignoring their own needs, co-dependents find self-esteem by winning a partner’s approval. Because they lack self-worth, co-dependent people have great difficulty accepting from others.

Co-dependent personalities tend to attract partners who are emotionally unstable. They may find themselves in relationship after relationship with needy, unreliable, or emotionally unavailable counterparts.

How can you tell if your relationship is unhealthy? Here’s a list of common feelings and symptoms associated with co-dependency. You may be in a co-dependent relationship if you identify with any of the following statements:

  1. You feel as if your life revolves around your partner.
  2. You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims.
  3. No matter how hard you try, nothing you do is ever good enough.
  4. You put their needs in front of your own
  5. You don’t do anything without checking in with your
  6. You’re a classic peacekeeper and people-pleaser.
  7. You’ve found yourself in relationships with addicts, drug users, or have been verbally or physically abused.
  8. You’re always smiling and try to appear cheery, even when you’re feeling mad or sad.
  9. You play the role of caregiver in your family or with your partner.
  10. You feel ashamed about what’s really going on inside your relationship, but keep that secret to yourself.
  11. You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner
  12. Your partner’s mood affects your day.
  13. You feel devalued or disrespected in your relationship.
  14. Anxiety is the emotion you feel most often in your relationship.
  15. You spend a lot of time trying to conform or balance your partner’s wishes and preferences.
  16. You talk about your partner’s issues all the time
  17. You always want to know what they’re doing and thinking
  18. partner first
  19. You have trouble saying no to your partner

If you see any of these signs of co-dependency within yourself or your relationship, you’ve taken an important first step in rewiring dysfunctional patterns.

Continue to educate yourself about the consequences of remaining in an unhealthy dynamic. By learning to identify and label co-dependent behaviours, you can begin to deconstruct the entanglement in your relationship.

Remember, healthy love is about creating partnerships that are inter-dependent and characterized by mutual respect and honesty.

Recovery is possible through emotional healing and redefining the way you value yourself.

 

6 tips that will modify your sex life into a great one

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There’s no arguing that “quickie sex” can be arousing, exciting and satisfying. It’s good for when passions override all thought and desire wins. However, most women will agree that the best sexual encounters occur when a man knows and understands the importance of making your lovemaking experience enjoyable.

Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 6 tips:

Don’t take it personally.

Differences in sexual desire within couples are very common. Although it is hard to have your advances rejected repeatedly without taking it personally, you need to remind yourself that a partner’s lack of interest in sex just may not be about you, your attractiveness, or your qualities as a human being. It may be a matter of a hormone deficiency or other physiological problems—or feelings the person has about himself or herself. Although you undoubtedly want things to change, try to develop a little empathy. Chances are, given the choice, he or she would prefer to feel turned on easily. It’s no picnic to feel disinterested in something your partner thrives on. He or she may feel inadequate, for example. The situation hurts you, but don’t underestimate how painful it is for your partner. Even if he or she acts defensively, your partner probably spends lots of time wondering why things aren’t easier between you. Try to be understanding

Give yourself time.

As you age, your sexual responses slow down. You and your partner can improve your chances of success by finding a quiet, comfortable, interruption-free setting for sex. Also, understand that the physical changes in your body mean that you’ll need more time to get aroused and reach orgasm. When you think about it, spending more time having sex isn’t a bad thing, working these physical necessities into your lovemaking routine can open up doors to a new kind of sexual experience.

Make a Plan

When life becomes busy and schedules are hectic, plan for sexual encounters with one another. Some people may find scheduling undesirable, but it all depends on how you look at it. You can make plans just as exciting as spontaneous sex. Flirting throughout the day or specifying a “sex date” can build anticipation. Try to set the mood in advance. If you want to have good sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning. Let your partner know you care and are thinking about them throughout the day with notes, e-mails, texts, phone calls, hugs, or other flirtatious gestures.

Watch porn together

Discuss with your partner the type of porn you both like. Consider showing these to each other or search for one together that you can both compromise on. It’s usually used in private, which makes watching porn with your partner feel even more risqué. Porn builds sexual tension and piques curiosity, but don’t limit yourselves to screens. See what happens when you take turns reading erotic literature to each other. Even if you break down in giggles before you turn the page, you’re on the right track. Laughter is a great way to spice things up, too.

Include foreplay

There is no great sexual experience without foreplay. It’s a fact: Women typically need foreplay to have good sex. That’s a really good reason not to cut corners with it. Foreplay is really important for most women because they tend to take a longer time to get into the mood. Usually its women who complain that men want to skip to the main course of intercourse, but often they need more time to open up. Foreplay helps lubrication flow and makes intercourse all the more pleasurable.

Love yourself too

We talk a lot about body image, and it’s for a good reason. Feeling good about yourself improves more areas of your life than just your self-esteem, and it’s bound to improve your sex life significantly. Just think about it. If you could be naked with your partner and feel proud of your body, how much weight and stress that would lift off of your shoulders? It’s amazing, and it’s so underrated.

 Conclusion

Sometimes keeping passion alive in the bedroom has nothing to do with sex at all. Take a tennis lesson, try a new restaurant, and go on a hike together. “When you do a fun activity that’s not sexual with your partner, you’ll pay attention to one-another, which helps build desire, and that’s a form of foreplay,” says Amy Levine, certified sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure.

The 9 Testosterone Commandments

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Do you want to boost testosterone levels? Discover the diet and lifestyle do’s and don’ts that can help you achieve optimal testosterone levels.

  1. Thou Shalt Engage In Regular Physical Exercise

Exercise and movement of any kind are essential for a long and healthy life and this is how we as humans evolved.

Hunting, farming and manual labour have kept us moving in the past and it is only in recent times that we have stopped dead in our tracks in terms of physical activity, driving everywhere and slouched over computers all day.

This is devastating for testosterone levels and health in general.

Any exercise boosts testosterone levels in all age groups and on top of this, physical activity will build muscle, improve cardiovascular health and help to maintain joint mobility.

If you are overweight, then shedding some excess fat will also help to boost your testosterone.

If you are totally sedentary then you may already be caught in the negative spiral and this can be tough to break out of. The key is consistency and just getting started. Commit to doing something 3 times a week, to begin with – even for just 15 minutes.

It can be a bodyweight circuit in your living room or a 15-minute walk around the block. If you are a more advanced trainer then regular weight training is the best way to boost testosterone levels.

 

  1. Thou shalt spend time in the sun

Vitamin D is an important hormone in the production of testosterone, and while it isn’t easy to do very often while living in the UK, being exposed to the sun can increase your vitamin D levels.

Vitamin D is also found in several foods such as oily fish, eggs and cheese, or it can be taken as a supplement. Studies have shown that men who supplemented with vitamin D over the course of one year showed an increase in testosterone levels.

  1. Thou Shalt Minimise Stress

Managing stress, optimising mood and laughing often will all improve levels of naturally produced testosterone and allow the body and mind to thrive.

This is easier said than done, but persistent stress and abnormally high levels of cortisol will cause testosterone levels to bottom out.

On top of this, high stress can cause us to make poor food choices which will in turn cause increased body weight which will also negatively affect testosterone levels

 

  1. Thou Shalt Get Enough Sleep

Adequate sleep is essential for many reasons and prioritising that 8 hours is extremely important for health. Getting less than the required amount of sleep each night will cause testosterone levels to drop and in the modern age of smartphones and 24-hour accessibility, this isn’t uncommon. As with exercise, diet and mindset, sleep works in synergy and a bad night’s sleep can make you more likely to eat poorly, making it more difficult to cope with stress and make the motivation for exercise more difficult.

 

 

The easiest and most accessible trick for getting a good night’s sleep in the modern world is simply to leave your smartphone outside of your bedroom at night. Apart from the blue light that the screen emits (even in night mode), you have the mental stimulation of social media and potential stress that a late-night email can cause (when you can’t do anything about it).

 

  1. Thou Shalt Eat A Clean, Healthy Diet

Eating a balanced diet made up largely of the whole, single-ingredient foods including all the main macronutrients (carbohydrates, fats and protein) can contribute to healthy testosterone levels.

Chronic over or under-eating or extreme dieting can be bad for your testosterone levels. As well as the main macronutrients, eating a wide variety of vegetables will ensure that you get enough vitamins and minerals to support testosterone production.

 

  1. Thou Shalt ‘Just Say No’ To Drugs

Alcohol, Androgenic Anabolic Steroids and smoking can all have a negative impact on your testosterone production.

The use of anabolic steroids, which are often used for bodybuilding, can cause excessive levels of testosterone in the body resulting in a hormone imbalance.

If levels are too high the testes can shut down their testosterone production which can be permanent, even after the discontinuation of these drugs.

  1. Thou Shalt Remember That MORE Isn’t Always Better

With the continued ambiguity of “optimal testosterone levels”, men can become obsessed with chasing high levels, often resulting in side effects from having too much testosterone in the body.

It is important to remember that an individual’s optimal level of testosterone can be different to your own and the trick is not to overdo it when trying to boost testosterone.

  1. Remember That You Grow When You Rest

The Men’s Health Clinic see a lot of men become frustrated with their progress because they are eating healthy, balanced diets and they are committed to an exercise routine, but they are not seeing the results they want. However, In order to really grow, you must rest your body. Exercise is a catabolic process, not anabolic. Whilst exercise causes a spike in testosterone, you need to be in a state of rest for it to exert its effects. It’s all about balance.

  1. Though shalt honour thy doctor

It comes as no surprise that men do not welcome the thought of visiting their doctors when they start to show signs of being unwell. A recent study of 1000 men found that three quarters will avoid going to the doctors when showing signs of an illness as they don’t have the time or don’t think it is important .

 

However, if you are experiencing symptoms of low testosterone and they persist after implementing diet and lifestyle changes, it is important to seek advice from your doctor, men’s health clinic.

 

6 Things You Should Be Doing To the Clitoris

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In this post we will take you through things you should be doing to your woman’s clitoris.

When it comes to making a person with a vulva orgasm, most folks need more than plain old penetration.

Yes your penis is great and all, but only a quarter of vulva owners routinely come during vaginal intercourse, meaning that a lot of people need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to climax.

 

Packed with nerve endings, the clitoris is one of the most sensitive erogenous zones. It has around 8,000 nerve endings, which is double the number in a penis.

So what can you do to give your partner a mind-blowing clitoral orgasm?

Well, for starters, make sure you know where to find the clitoris: at the top of the vulva, just under the spot where the inner labia meet. The clitoris also extends up to 5 inches inside the body.

 

And now, to stimulate the clitoris? If not sure ask your partner!

Surprise your partner tonight with one—or all—of these clitoral stimulation tricks, using not just your tongue, but also your lips, fingers, and toys. And don’t forget: there are a number of sex positions where you can reach around and stimulate your partner’s clit with your fingers or a vibrator during penetration. There’s no reason why penetration and clit stimulation have to be separate; the two can (and should!) exist in perfect harmony.

 

  1. Pick a Side

When it comes to clitoral stimulation, 4 out of 10 women have a preferred side,  Ask her if there’s a side she likes better—and if she’s not sure, experiment on both.

 

  1. Use your imagination.

When you’re flicking your tongue over her clitoris, imagine you are painting a fence from top to bottom, then move your tongue side to  side.

  1. Suck and Nibble

Instead of just licking her, use your lips and tongue to suck on her clit.

The entire vulva consists of sensitive nerve fibers. So being able to suck on the glans or the head of the clit and lightly nibble on her inner and outer labia, or suck a little on labia, will stimulate the nerve fibers.

The sucking will also lead to increased vasocongestion, or more blood flow, to the vulva and the clitoris.

 

  1. Don’t Forget the Shaft

While a lot of attention is spent on the tip of the clitoris—the part located at the top of the vulva—it also has two “legs” that extend up to five inches inside the body, known as the “shaft.”

 

Slide your fingers to either side of her clitoral shaft. Pull and push the clitoral hood across the clitoris and move in circles, diagonals, and spontaneous un-choreographed fashions so as to stay unpredictable.

 

  1. Play the Harmonica

Once your partner is in the midst of an orgasm, add some oral vibration to her experience.

 

Make your lips into an O and take her clitoris in your mouth. Then make humming sounds as you suck on her clit, as if you are playing the harmonica, so that she can feel the warm, wet vibrations.

  1. Draw circles

In study 3 out of 4 women said they love it when you trace little circles on or around the clit. You can use your tongue, your finger, or two fingers—or all of the above.

It is noted that some women prefer the clockwise movement – which is when you trace from the bottom of th

4 ways to help you man’s erectile dysfunction

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Good communication is the cornerstone of every relationship, but talking about sexual issues can sometimes be a challenge.

  1. It’s most likely not about you

Your immediate thought might be that you’re the cause of his inability to get an erection.

You may think that you’re not able to arouse him the way you used to.

You can, however, reassure yourself that you’re probably not the cause.

Study shows that the most common cause of erectile dysfunction (ED) is damage to arteries, smooth muscles and fibrous tissues. Problems with blood vessels (vascular) make up 48% of erection issues.

 

  1. Encourage him to sick help

We know masculinity leads men to believe that to be a man they need to “toughen up and be brave and self-reliant”. This could be why men tend to be more reluctant to go to the doctor than women.

ED can be an indicator of an underlying condition needing medical attention. ED can be an indicator of diabetes, and further explains that men with diabetes are three times more likely to have ED.

Diabetes can stop the penis from becoming erect in three ways:

 

  1. Neuropathy can develop, as diabetes may cause damage to nerves, disabling the signalling from the brain to the penis.
  2. Atherosclerosis causes the blood vessels to narrow or harden. Diabetes is known to aggravate this condition, which may cause ED by restricting the flow of blood to the penis.
  3. Blood sugar levels have a direct effect on the body’s production of Nitrous Oxide (NO), which means that NO levels will drop if blood sugar levels are not well managed. NO ensures that an erection is maintained.

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4 ways to help you man’s erectile dysfunction

  1. Support Him

Allow your relationship to be a safe space for him to share his fears and concerns. As It can be a very scary experience knowing something is wrong with your health, but not knowing what the cause could be and how serious it is. In addition to this, a man can feel quite emasculated when he fails to get an erection.

Don’t judge him or make him feel he cannot talk to you. Experts maintain that open communication is key to ensuring that ED doesn’t damage a couple’s relationship in the long run.

 

  1. Take charge in the bedroom

 

Do not allow sexual frustrations to build up, as this could put unnecessary strain on you and your relationship. Explain to your partner that you support him and have no desire to replace him.

There’s, however, no reason why his problem should prevent you from being sexually satisfied. Now could be the right time to get acquainted with a self-love device such as a dildo or vibrator.

5 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life With Your Partner

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It’s a fact of life that sex doesn’t stay the same. Many people assume that it has to get worse with age, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Sexual satisfaction is a function of emotional connection, so if you’re looking to amp up your sex life, there is a good chance the answer will be found out of the bedroom. If you want to experience mind-blowing sex and an intimate connection with your spouse, here are five things you can do.

  1. Go out on a Date

If you and your wife have been married for a while, there is a good chance that you haven’t gone out on a date in a while.  Many married couples get to a point in their relationship that is commonly called “the comfort zone.”  This zone is not one that you want to be in, as your relationship may feel more like a friendship.  To prevent this from happening, ask your wife out on a date.

Ask your woman out on a date.  Choose an activity that is romantic, such as a romantic comedy for a movie or a nice restaurant.  This can help to spark a little bit of romance and passion in your relationship, which may lead to better and closer intimacy at home.

  1. Show Romantic Gestures

When it comes to “wowing,” in a relationship, man sometimes think that women should do it.

You will also want to “wow,” your wife, like you did the first time that you met.  One of the easiest ways to do so is by performing a number of romantic gestures.

When out shopping with your wife, grab their hand and hold it.  When walking by them in the house, give them a quick kiss.

Sending a love note to work with them is another romantic gesture that you may want to try.

  1. Be Sexy and Seductive

If your marriage enters into the above mentioned comfort zone, sex and intimacy may seem like a thing of the past.  If you do have sex, it may seem more like a responsibly, a chore, or even work.

To help reduce these feelings, be sexy and seductive.  Do not wait for your wife to initiate sex and do not ask if your woman is up for it first, just get right down to business.

Women strip for your husband or simply just remove their clothes.  Snuggle next to them on the couch and just start massaging their whole body.  You may be surprised just how easy and effective it is to be sexy and seductive.

5 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life With Your Partner

  1. Be Spontaneous

As it was previously stated, do not ask your husband./wife if he wants to have sex and do not wait for him or her to start.  Instead, take matters into your own hands.

Whether you start with a little bit of foreplay or jump right into the intercourse, do so.  Your partner should like the surprise.  Also, remember that being spontaneous involves having sex at different times of the day, as well as in different locations of the house.

  1. Offer to Experiment In the Bedroom

To improve sex and intimacy it is important to know that a change can do you good.  You may want to suggest to your husband that you experiment in the bedroom or take them up on their suggestion to do so.  Remember that experimenting in the bedroom doesn’t have to mean getting an additional sex partner or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.  A new sex position may be just what your relationship needs.

9 Reasons Why People Cry After SEX

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Have you cried after having sex? Your partner? Know it is perfectly normal and you not alone.

It might be happy tears, tears of relief or a bit of pensive sadness for not reason. Tears during or after sex can be a purely physical reaction.

In clinical terms crying after sex is known as postcoital dysphoria (PCD), while crying occasionally during sex called postcoital tristesse(PCT). The PCD symptoms may include tearfulness, sadness, and irritability after consensual sex, even if it was perfectly satisfying.

PCD can happen to anyone regardless of gender or sexual orientation. And it does necessarily have to involve an orgasm.

In a study conducted in 2018 using anonymous questionnaire researchers found that of 1208 males, 41% experienced PCD. Up to 4% said it was a regular thing.

Below I will outline the reasons why someone might cry after sex and what to do if it happens to you or your partner.

  1. Happiness

You probably experienced tears of joy before. A range of emotions can evoke crying and its not a bad thing. It can be at your graduation, or at the birth of a child. Same thing can happened during or after sex.

  1. Being overwhelmed by the scenario

Sometimes you get lost in the moment, as some can rev up tension and create an emotional roller coaster.

Tears may mean you are simply overwhelmed by the thrill of it all.

  1. Being overwhelmed by your body’s response

Sometimes you might cry beacise you just got the biggest orgasm of your life or first experience with multiple orgasms.

Intense physical pleasure can overwhelms you and it wont be a surprise that you end up crying.

Conversely, you might be overwhelmed by your body’s lack of response. If you have been looking forward to great sex and do not get the ending you want, you might be frustrated and tense enough to cry.

  1. Pain

There are many reason why you might experience pain with sex.

Painful intercourse, during or after can be due to:

  • Lack of lubrication
  • Trauma or irritation of the genitals
  • Urinary tract or vaginal infections
  • Skin conditions near genitals
  • Vaginal muscle spasms – vaginismus
  • Congenital abnormalities

 

Physical pain associated with sex can be treated, so make an appointment with your doctor to get it fixed.

  1. Anxiety

Crying is a natural reaction to stress, fear and anxiety. When you feel anxious in general, its hard to put that aside even when having sex.

Sometimes you might have performance anxiety. After sex you might be worried about whether you satisfied your partner or whether you lived up to expectations.

  1. Shame or Guilt

There is a lot of reasons you might feel ashamed after sex that it can make you cry.

There are a lot of reasons you might feel such shame or guilt after sex that it makes you cry.

You might be uncomfortable with what you see as animal behaviour – sex, or lack of impulse control. You could have body image issues or dread the prospect of being seen naked.

Shame and/or guilt after sex can also be residual effects of other issues within the relationship that follow you into the bedroom.

  1. Confusion

Confusion after sex isn’t all that unusual. It may be due to the sex itself.

You told them you dislike something but they did it anyway?

You thought you were giving pleasure but they’re obviously unsatisfied or upset?

Unresolved issues and emotional confusion from a relationship can invade your sex life. Sex doesn’t always turn out great. Sometimes one or both of you are left confused and disappointed.

  1. Depression

If you find yourself crying frequently it could be a sign of depression or other mental health condition that should be addressed.

Other signs of depression can include:

  • sadness
  • frustration, irritability, or anger
  • anxiety
  • difficulty sleeping, restlessness, or fatigue
  • loss of concentration or memory
  • appetite changes
  • unexplained aches and pains
  • loss of interest in normal activities, including sex

  1. Triggering Past Trauma or Abuse

If you’re a survivor of sexual assault, certain movements or positions may trigger painful memories.

This can make you feel particularly vulnerable and tears would be an understandable reaction.

If this has become a frequent problem, you may want to take a break from sex. Consider seeing a qualified therapist who can help you work on coping skills.

The bottom line is crying after sex isn’t unusual and, it can be a sign of deeper issues [some of them above] that needs to be addressed.

If this happens regularly, you may find it helpful to speak with a therapist about it. They can help unpack the reasons for your tears and potentially work through any underlying concerns.