Is your ex is gone? The breakup feels like a mistake. Can you get back together? It’s something a lot of guys have wondered about at some point or another. in this post we outline 6 secrets to getting back together with your ex.

But before you try to reunite, consider this: Do you really want your ex back, or are you just lonely? Or bored? If either applies, please don’t be that dude texting “WYD” when you have no real plans to make an effort.

Also consider whether you want to reconnect because of pride or to get a win. And sometimes that mindset goes into a relationship.”

The thought of “losing” can make you crave an ex and make them seem more attractive than they would otherwise. If you know deep down they’re not really a match, it might be better to let them go.

If there was any kind of abuse, or if you broke up due to issues like an undiagnosed mental health concern or addiction, now is likely not the time to try to get back together. These issues can require individual attention and professional help.

All that said, if you see a real future, and you’re willing to work for a better round two, follow the following advice.

1. Reach out to talk and apologize.

Once you’ve been introspective, talk with your ex if they’re willing to listen. And mean what you say. You can do this regardless of who broke up with who, and even if it was mutual.

Be honest. Reflect the pain that you see your partner has gone through. Take responsibility for your part in that pain. Say ‘I’m sorry’ for very specific things. The more specific, the better.

If you made mistakes and want to get back together, you’ve got to show remorse.

2. Take responsibility for your part in the breakup.

Do you know what you did wrong? Have you grown since then? Answer these questions for yourself. If you’re still in the “My ex is so crazy and it’s all their fault” phase, you’re probably not ready to reconcile.

3. Don’t beat yourself up.

After you’ve reached out, know that any hurt feelings and anxiety you may have can get better.

A lot of people, men and women, go through terrible anxiety. Even people who never struggled with it. But you’ve gotten through breakups before, right? So you can do it again.

4. Go “no contact.”

After you’ve made your case, give your ex space. You want them to understand what it feels like to have you gone. To not get your silly texts. To not cuddle with you. You get the idea.

Some relationship coaches suggest starting with 30 days of no contact or even 2 months. This means no texts, calls, visits, or social media interactions. And absolutely no begging—a total turn-off.

Once you have made it very clear, without an excuse, that you were wrong, that you are so sorry, that you regret it, that it will never happen again, and that you want to be with this person if they take you back, you’ve got to back off and use the no contact rule.

If you were a good boyfriend, stepping back gives your ex a chance to remember. But if they don’t want you back, pleading won’t help.

5. Don’t rush into dating.

Don’t jump back into the dating pool to try to get over your ex or make them jealous. That means you should resist the urge to go to Petty Town—aka the sad side of social media—to try to antagonize your ex. If your ex finds out you’re seeing someone new and concludes you don’t care about them, this tactic can blow up in your face.

Also, don’t date if you’re still upset. That’s not fair to the next person who may want to connect, and it doesn’t necessarily let you process the break-up.

6. Have hope.

There’s no all-powerful magic trick to getting your ex back, no matter what your friends, search results, or random online spell-casters tell you.

But there is honesty, growth, and hope. So learn from the situation. Become a better man. Appreciate your ex’s role in your life, but don’t force things.

You don’t have to get them back today or tomorrow, Wilson says. And if your ex does return, he suggests taking things slowly to have the best chance of success. No matter what, be willing to move on.

But remember: no “WYD” texts while you wait.

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If there’s one thing that almost every guy is an expert at, it’s masturbation. After years of extensive, hands-on experience, you think you know everything there is to know. But according to the experts, maybe you don’t.

Here are 5 things about male masturbation that may surprise you.

1. Masturbation does not have the health benefits that sex does.

It appears that not all orgasms are created equally.

Study after study shows that intercourse has all sorts of benefits for men — for your blood pressure, heart and prostate health, pain, and more. You’d think that masturbation would, too. But it doesn’t.

Why would it make a difference whether you ejaculate during sex or on your own? No one’s sure. But your body seems to respond differently. Even the makeup of semen is different if you masturbate instead of having sex.

Still, does it really matter? Have you honestly been masturbating all these years only because you wanted to boost your prostate health? Didn’t think so. But one study, Harvard’s Health Professional Follow-up, showed that Masturbation may help lower risk of prostate cancer.

2. There is no “normal” amount of masturbation.

Guys can get hung up on whether they masturbate too much. But it’s not how many times you masturbate in a week (or day) that really matters. It’s how it fits into your life.

If you masturbate many times a day and have a healthy, satisfying life, good for you. But if you masturbate many times a day and you’re missing work or giving up on sex with your partner because of it, consider seeing a sex therapist.

Even then, there’s nothing specific about masturbation that’s the problem. Compulsive masturbation is like any behavior that disrupts your life — whether it’s compulsively playing poker or checking your social media every other minute.

3. Masturbation is not risk-free.

Sure, it’s low-risk. It’s the safest form of sex possible. No one ever caught an STD from themselves or made themselves pregnant. But like other low-risk activities (walking, eating, etc), it still has some risks.

Frequent or rough masturbation can cause minor skin irritation. Forcefully bending an erect penis can rupture the chambers that fill with blood, a rare but gruesome condition called penile fracture.

Afterwards, the penis looks like an eggplant. It will get purple and swollen. Most men need surgery to repair it.

4. Masturbating doesn’t reflect on your relationship.

The most damaging myth about male masturbation is that it’s a sign something is wrong in your relationship.

The fact is that most guys masturbate. They masturbate if they’re single, in a bad relationship, or in a great relationship. It’s just something they do that has nothing to do with their partners.

Masturbation isn’t only about sex. For many, it’s a routine way of relieving stress, clearing your head before work, or going to sleep.

5. Masturbation is almost certainly good for your sex life.

Masturbation can help your sex life, since it’s how guys learn what they like during sex.

Are there exceptions? Some guys do get so hooked on a certain amount of pressure during masturbation or the stimulation of porn that they can’t perform with a partner.

For the vast majority of men, masturbation is a healthy thing.

Be more concerned about a guy who’s stopped masturbating. It can be a sign of anxiety or health problems — than a guy who’s doing it regularly.

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Have you ever felt taken advantage of, or dismissed, by your partner, family member, teacher or boss? That’s resentment rearing its ugly head.

At first, you feel angry that you’re not being treated fairly or that your needs are being ignored. Over time, this snowballs into disappointment, bitterness and hard feelings.

It’s very difficult to address misunderstandings when you don’t think the other person understands or appreciates you. You get into a tug of war about who’s right and who’s wrong, and egos get in the way.

In this post, we cover six common problems that spark the fires of resentment.

1. Taking advantage of others

If you think your partner is being selfish, first try stepping into their shoes. Ask yourself why they are so intent on getting their own needs met.

Also, note that some people weren’t taught etiquette as kids. Others endured childhood trauma that made them focus on survival, and their own needs, first.

Gently tell your partner how their behaviour makes you feel using “I” statements.

If that doesn’t work, learn to tell your partner “no” confidently and with conviction

2. Always having to be right

When someone insists that they’re right all the time, it comes across as arrogant.

If you want me to empty the dishwasher, fold the laundry or manage the toothpaste in a certain way, you’re imposing your views of the world onto me. There are many paths up the mountain.

Defend your right to do things your own way. Speak up quickly; don’t let the feelings fester. The longer you wait, the more resentment is likely to build and explode in an argument over something insignificant.

3. Unrealistic expectations

Considering other people’s nature and habits with clear eyes can spare you emotional turmoil.

Let’s say you expect your significant other to buy you a romantic gift, and they don’t. If it’s not in their personality to do something like that, you’ve set yourself up for feeling resentful.

Try adjusting your expectations instead. Your partner may be showing appreciation in a different way.

4. Feeling put down

Thoughtless remarks and taunts rankle. Know your trigger buttons. Some people trigger our anger without even knowing it.

Considering the person’s intent can head off resentment before it takes root.

But if other person knows your triggers and intentionally hits them, your resentment may be a message.

Don’t ignore the messenger. If you feel repeatedly discounted by a friend, this may be a sign that they are not a good person to have in your life.

5. Not being heard

Does your significant other seem miles away when you’re chatting in the morning? Don’t take it so personally. Listening is incredibly difficult. Expect that you’ll have to repeat your message.

Send a voice mail or text message later, and recap what you wanted to say.

6. Always being late

You may feel that because someone is never on time, they don’t care about you.

It’s tempting to show up late for them, but that only adds fuel to the fire. Gently point out how their lateness makes you feel, and what you need.

Then set firm limits. Tell the other person how long you’ll wait, and have a backup plan in place in case they’re late.

A change in thinking can also help. Try to view the other person’s lateness as a reflection on them, and not you. Being late may have less to do with respecting your time and more to do with their own habits or anxiety.

Always running into the house for one more thing, or getting distracted by inconsequential things just before you have to leave may be an attempt to ease anxiety.

You can decide not to be emotionally injured or roughed up by any of that.

Should you leave the relationship, or not?

What should you do when resentment sours a relationship?

There’s no question that you should sever ties if you’re being abused emotionally or physically.

But the lines are less clear when resentment has been building for lesser concerns.

“For example, if you put a high priority on family, or if work pays your bills, then you may have to learn to tolerate others’ displays of humanness,”

Practising empathy can help. “Acceptance and forgiveness reduce resentment”

Can people ‘learn’ empathy?

It’s possible to learn to be a more empathetic partner and to let go of problem behaviours. But you have to be willing to change.

A good therapist can show you how to accept the discomfort associated with change — and offer you options you may not have considered and a perspective you may not have seen.

Most people go to therapy for a little while, then practice like crazy afterwards. And it’s in the practising like crazy that people grow.

Practice being skilled at quickly getting to the root of a relationship problem — before anger, misery or bitterness creep in.

Then, once you address an issue, don’t rehash it, consider it a learning moment to use in the future. Don’t look backwards. You aren’t going that way anymore.

If we live in a traumatic state for an extended period of time we want relief more than anything else. Because of the lack of education around trauma we rarely hear the words, “what you are experiencing is quite normal considering what’s been done to you.” That lack of affirmation leaves us vulnerable thinking something is severely wrong with how we do things. That’s not true. The truth is our body offers a response to what it’s registered. So, those responses are coming from a place of pain and awareness.

Very few of us have been given permission to be honest about our pain. Very few of us have had access to the proper help to expose the trauma. Very few of us had the language to describe what’s going on inside of us. But many are finding solace, that this painful part of the journey is shared.

How many of us have been misdiagnosed while dismissing trauma? How many of us believed we were the problem? How many of us believed that what happened to us was not that bad, and someone else could have handled it better?

These are the after-effects of the trauma doubling down and keeping us exposed to the rawest parts. But then we look out and through our searching, our hunger, our need to be understood. We find that not only are we not alone, but there are thousands who speak that language inside of us.

Those words and phrases that only make sense to someone who knows great pain. Those moments that define how our lives were altered, but we’ve needed a lifeline to preserve what’s left.

Here are a few things to reflect on to help you on your healing journey.

1. It’s not humanly possible to convince someone to abuse you. People are abused because of an abuser.
2. It is common and beautiful to be conflicted and take on the blame if you were abused by someone you loved. You still did not create that abuse.
3. The conflict you may be experiencing internally is a much-needed dialogue of deep breaths and awareness of you looking back at your younger self and saying “You are mine. What they lacked in safety for you, I will restore.

Now, here we are. We are bravely, boldly and unapologetically telling our stories. That may not be the details. You may not even know their names. But there is an awareness and a new era of people who are linking arms and learning about their unprocessed bravery to survive.

The more you validate those untold stories, the more we break down the social oppression that demands we show up polished and presentable. We are learning that polished and presentable can’t hold a torch to authentic and full of grace.