There’s no arguing that “quickie sex” can be arousing, exciting and satisfying. It’s good for when passions override all thought and desire wins. However, most women will agree that the best sexual encounters occur when a man knows and understands the importance of making your lovemaking experience enjoyable.
Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 6 tips:
Don’t take it personally.
Differences in sexual desire within couples are very common. Although it is hard to have your advances rejected repeatedly without taking it personally, you need to remind yourself that a partner’s lack of interest in sex just may not be about you, your attractiveness, or your qualities as a human being. It may be a matter of a hormone deficiency or other physiological problems—or feelings the person has about himself or herself. Although you undoubtedly want things to change, try to develop a little empathy. Chances are, given the choice, he or she would prefer to feel turned on easily. It’s no picnic to feel disinterested in something your partner thrives on. He or she may feel inadequate, for example. The situation hurts you, but don’t underestimate how painful it is for your partner. Even if he or she acts defensively, your partner probably spends lots of time wondering why things aren’t easier between you. Try to be understanding
Give yourself time.
As you age, your sexual responses slow down. You and your partner can improve your chances of success by finding a quiet, comfortable, interruption-free setting for sex. Also, understand that the physical changes in your body mean that you’ll need more time to get aroused and reach orgasm. When you think about it, spending more time having sex isn’t a bad thing, working these physical necessities into your lovemaking routine can open up doors to a new kind of sexual experience.
Make a Plan
When life becomes busy and schedules are hectic, plan for sexual encounters with one another. Some people may find scheduling undesirable, but it all depends on how you look at it. You can make plans just as exciting as spontaneous sex. Flirting throughout the day or specifying a “sex date” can build anticipation. Try to set the mood in advance. If you want to have good sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning. Let your partner know you care and are thinking about them throughout the day with notes, e-mails, texts, phone calls, hugs, or other flirtatious gestures.
Watch porn together
Discuss with your partner the type of porn you both like. Consider showing these to each other or search for one together that you can both compromise on. It’s usually used in private, which makes watching porn with your partner feel even more risqué. Porn builds sexual tension and piques curiosity, but don’t limit yourselves to screens. See what happens when you take turns reading erotic literature to each other. Even if you break down in giggles before you turn the page, you’re on the right track. Laughter is a great way to spice things up, too.
There is no great sexual experience without foreplay. It’s a fact: Women typically need foreplay to have good sex. That’s a really good reason not to cut corners with it. Foreplay is really important for most women because they tend to take a longer time to get into the mood. Usually its women who complain that men want to skip to the main course of intercourse, but often they need more time to open up. Foreplay helps lubrication flow and makes intercourse all the more pleasurable.
Love yourself too
We talk a lot about body image, and it’s for a good reason. Feeling good about yourself improves more areas of your life than just your self-esteem, and it’s bound to improve your sex life significantly. Just think about it. If you could be naked with your partner and feel proud of your body, how much weight and stress that would lift off of your shoulders? It’s amazing, and it’s so underrated.
Sometimes keeping passion alive in the bedroom has nothing to do with sex at all. Take a tennis lesson, try a new restaurant, and go on a hike together. “When you do a fun activity that’s not sexual with your partner, you’ll pay attention to one-another, which helps build desire, and that’s a form of foreplay,” says Amy Levine, certified sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure.