Relationships can be very complicated and challenging even when people are under their best circumstances.
In this post, I will be outlining 5 relationship killers and how to avoid them.
We all know that in order to have a great relationship its necessary to work on solid communication, work through our differences of opinion and spent quality time together. But what about things we often overlook that contribute to a healthy, thriving relationship?
There are a handful of relationship skills that can create a HUGE difference in your connection and happiness but often overlooked.
Here are 5 things that we tend to overlook, that kills relationships.
Disrespect is a killer of everything and a real relationship killer in this case. All healthy relationships are based on respect, without it, the relationship will suffer.
Lack of respect in a relationship can lead to serious problems and even break-ups. If you get into an argument try to avoid using harsh words, name calling, yelling and comparing.
People tend to be very furious in fights, it is important to keep it cool and have a calm talk aft wards. Do not force a conversation and comparing your behaviours will make things worse.
A lack of respect is truly one of the most undignified behaviours that there is, you do not need it
Selfishness Controlling behaviour
Most people get into relationships with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behaviours.
The controlling behaviours fall in 2 major behaviours – overt and covert control.
Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.
Convert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explain, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of convert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.
Controlling behaviour always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the rejection that is meant to avoid.
A lack of emotional intimacy is a real relationship killer that not many speak about. Everyone already knows that Is very hard and difficult to maintain a relationship which lacks real emotional intimacy.
Without emotional intimacy, the relationship can easily be broken.
A real relationship requires honesty and deep emotional talks sometimes, these things help your relationship grow and have the strongest bond to it.
Yes it’s not something you do every day, but always make sure if it there somewhere and that you can always and easily speak of your emotions to your significant other.
Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being controlled. The moment they experience their partner wanting to control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness and procrastination.
When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled – the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant and resentful.
If you ever think of how some of your friends built their relationship and you compare it to yours, you might notice some differences.
That is completely normal and you should never even think about it.
If you find your self comparing your relationship with other relationships known to you, you might actually be destroying your won and that is something you probably do not want to happen. Comparisons are a real relationship killer in this case.
How to resolve the relationship killers
All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, failure, rejection and engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will likely be behaving in one or more of the above ways.
The way out is through a devoted practice of Inner Bonding to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs.
You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behaviour only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth.
When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.