traumatic man sitting on the bench

Your pain matters because you matter

If we live in a traumatic state for an extended period of time we want relief more than anything else. Because of the lack of education around trauma we rarely hear the words, “what you are experiencing is quite normal considering what’s been done to you.” That lack of affirmation leaves us vulnerable thinking something is severely wrong with how we do things. That’s not true. The truth is our body offers a response to what it’s registered. So, those responses are coming from a place of pain and awareness.

Very few of us have been given permission to be honest about our pain. Very few of us have had access to the proper help to expose the trauma. Very few of us had the language to describe what’s going on inside of us. But many are finding solace, that this painful part of the journey is shared.

How many of us have been misdiagnosed while dismissing trauma? How many of us believed we were the problem? How many of us believed that what happened to us was not that bad, and someone else could have handled it better?

These are the after-effects of the trauma doubling down and keeping us exposed to the rawest parts. But then we look out and through our searching, our hunger, our need to be understood. We find that not only are we not alone, but there are thousands who speak that language inside of us.

Those words and phrases that only make sense to someone who knows great pain. Those moments that define how our lives were altered, but we’ve needed a lifeline to preserve what’s left.

Here are a few things to reflect on to help you on your healing journey.

  1. It’s not humanly possible to convince someone to abuse you. People are abused because of an abuser.
  2. It is common and beautiful to be conflicted and take on the blame if you were abused by someone you loved. You still did not create that abuse.
  3. The conflict you may be experiencing internally is a much-needed dialogue of deep breaths and awareness of you looking back at your younger self and saying “You are mine. What they lacked in safety for you, I will restore.

Now, here we are. We are bravely, boldly and unapologetically telling our stories. That may not be the details. You may not even know their names. But there is an awareness and a new era of people who are linking arms and learning about their unprocessed bravery to survive.

The more you validate those untold stories, the more we break down the social oppression that demands we show up polished and presentable. We are learning that polished and presentable can’t hold a torch to authentic and full of grace.

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